A Resting Point
Context: In constellation theory (sometimes expressed as family constellation therapy) any participant in a system plays a role that is limited to the evolution of the roles and inner dialogs between those roles. In this way a new child in a family that has no role for a parent with a script that includes mistakes, grief and remorse, out of deference to the national system in which there is no role for mistakes, grief and remorse for the many innocent people America has murdered around the world, tortured or lied to in the deification and fanatical deference to some dogma of the chauvinistic mind, has no script that allows their anger at being hurt to be honored within the system. The lie at the top of the power structure demands a lie at the bottom of the power structure (note that in a healthy power-structure there is no vertical positioning but when power is not understood as responsibility and service but becomes exploitation there is an experience through the mechanism of physical force and psychological threat of one side in a dynamic being able to compel the other through terror to do something not in anyone's interest beyond the immediate moment of survival) because there is no role for truth-telling within the system. This creates roles such as "the scape-goat" and the only question becomes who will play that role - a role that those in power will use their power to avoid playing at all costs.

This object of hurt, betrayal, loneliness and grief has been in me to varying degrees since birth, and is there today. It is not my object, though my identities, having been asked to relate to this object rather than my own self since birth, relate more to this object than they do to me. Given the prison of biology and our deep knowing of our need to belong to survive, it is challenging work for any individual to attempt to re-identify with themselves, in a betrayal of the script that was given them to read. Teachers have told me, such as the Channel Lazaris that "You chose your parents. You chose your scripts. You create your own reality and everyone else is an illusion." 

The same channel will say "You chose to get a glass of milk." Anyone paying attention realizes that there is a very big distinction between the "self" that chose to get a glass of milk (remembers the choice, remembers the preference for milk, remembers getting up and remembers drinking the milk and can cross reference this with an identity that does indeed enjoy milk, drink it often and has read articles on the benefits of hydration etc.) and the "self" that chose to have two parents with PTSD who would systematically induce pain, trauma and suicide in a majority of their children while in complete super-human denial of all faults (this "self" has no memory of the choice, no identity that consciously seeks to be hurt, no articles read of "the many benefits of choosing shame-based parents" and no enjoyment of the result). In short, it is crazy-making for a self-proclaimed teacher to mix these two "selves" up and dubiously useful even if there is a "self" who chooses abusive parents and to be born into sick cultures that traumatize their citizens from birth in a materialistic paradigm that is not healthy for anyone. It seems much more likely that the obvious implication of authority that comes from saying "you don't see this about you, but I see it, and can tell you about yourself," is itself an unhealthy bid for influence when presumably the "self" that is consciously choosing misery and abuse for all concerned and apparently has more power than the self that is seeking to change the abuse the one self has chosen, could easily reveal itself to our consciousness on it's own if it wanted to (any self capable of picking parents and karma ought to be able to have the power to say "hear I am, remember me." So the channels are on the one hand saying "you can't see yourself but we can," while on the other hand saying "you have a self that is so powerful it shapes your whole life, but that self is not as powerful as us because it can't reveal itself to you, but we can." Or "It could reveal itself to you but it does not want to. We on the other hand, support that self in it's choice of abusive parents, so deal with it, but do not agree with that self's choice to remain opaque to your conscious mind so all you have to do is pay us some money to learn what your most powerful self is up to but does not want you to know." Note that the only party that emerges out of these convoluted implications is the "teacher, channel" etc. who is paid to tell you what "you" have chosen and why.

One of the things that is always on my mind is the responsibility of anyone proclaiming that we should hire them for any reason "for our well-being" (it's not a good selling strategy to tell anyone they should hire a professional so they will suffer more) is that it requires them to actually have some sense of what our well-being is, in the complex ecology of our lives. For example, the acupuncturist who may be able to stimulate a meridian may not be beneficial if the $100. taken off work to go to the session, the $100. for the session and the drowsiness after a session lead to a lost sale worth $2,000. that leads to a final mortgage default which leads to bankruptcy, which leads to divorce, which leads to addiction, which leads to getting fired and suddenly that was the most expensive "healing" of one's life. It is simply too simplistic, self-serving and ineffective to charge money to give people advice without first educating them on things like "balance" that our culture has gone to great lengths to shame out of the system, as evidenced by the fact that almost all of us have had mental and physical education, without receiving any emotional education - only emotional shaming and abuse in school.

There is one more incident below that I wrote. I hit a wall inside my own system and inside the HAI system when I attempt to write further. That wall can be dissolved by my severing all attachment to anything about HAI, which includes care for it's current and future students, or it can be withdrawn by Sarah, Peter and the facilitators removing their many fears and defenses around talking about the illegal and unethical narrative that follows this point. In system design, there are pressure points where the full circle of self is denied and energy is spent on one side of the system to contort, restrict and re-direct energy on the other side of the system. This happens, for example, when we build a prison to imprison another human being. It takes $80,000 per year to manage the suffering and confinement of another human being, much less than it takes to restore that person to honor by understanding the link between a country that dishonors the feminine in men, and the men that dishonor the feminine in the environment around them. It requires character and emotional literacy to diagnose the faults within the system and apologize to those who are scape-goated into such a state of misery or dissociation that their drive to survive or their greatest pleasure is externalizing that hurt on others. Not one of us was born wanting or needing to hurt others. This is a trait that is bred and allowed through a diseased and unbalanced paradigm that sees children carrying the brunt of our blind-spots, imbalances, traumas and abuses, and then spending more money punishing people, like we do to ourselves, than healing those who have been harmed. It is almost impossible for an individual to extricate themselves from a social system, particularly one so wide-spread, and still meet their needs to survive, feel secure and belong. Yet if unable to separate, the only question is who will be asked to play the shittiest roles in a simplistic, massaginistic poorly written play. 

We know what the answer is: Those who are most sensitive, most feminine and in the greatest need for protection. They are always the people who feel compelled to play the roles shoved down their throats, rather than die.

Questions: What is your role in this script? What is your current "job description?" Is that a description that concentrates power and pain, or diffuses it? What do you think is the medicine for this suffering? Is it working? Is the system called "The Human Awareness Institute" getting more balanced or imbalanced as a result of your role?

Notes about a balanced HAI:

  • Power is held equally by the team, by the participant, by the facilitator and board, and a mechanism that integrates all interests consciously is in place (Note, if it looks like one party has different goals than the others than this is a clue that something is off.)
  • Emphasis is placed equally on heart, mind and body, with the deficit in emotional literacy that is culturally maintained remedied by receiving the most attention.
  • There is no communication control on any faction.
  • There are no secrets.
  • There is an active role played to see that the most marginalized and shamed voices within the self and within the circle are honored and invited to speak.
  • There is space for the many human errors and mistakes that are inherent within all systems and a seeking to find the uninvited guests who have not been asked to show up.

Your role must be to champion the unseen, to speak for the silenced, to honor the unloved, to fight imbalance and to stand for your deepest feelings, as well as the deepest truths. Your role, as a healer, must be to invite, honor and forgive your self for the harm that comes when any voice at the table is silenced to protect the voices that have undo influence and are using power to protect themselves.

I rest here, to allow work within the system, with or without your help, so that this wall softens. That could be the court case, the documentary or other medicine I'm bringing to the wound of silence, shame and secrets. I will be working to bring light into dark places. They exist within each one of us, which is why this work is ours, not someone else's to do. We may not have been born sick, but we have each become a carrier of numerous (cult)ural diseases that we will pass on to others if we do not die or heal them first in ourselves.
Suing For Best Practices at HAI